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Ranleigh and Phoenix 1 - 8 Mill Hill
It was a game of two halves. For the first 35
minutes, a shambolic Mill Hill were rescued only by two scrappy goals from
Ryan Schlanders. During the second period, Nick Warr and even Mike Solomons
discovered a Midas touch as the team shone but Ryan featured about as
prominently as a tortoise at a giraffe auction.
At their best, the away side were pinging passes around
like a pinball machine, with the same inevitability that, despite the
flapping clearances of the defence, the ball would end up in the goal.
Tap-in followed tap-in, every loose ball fell to a Mill Hill forward and
while none of the short corners worked as intended, they almost all went in.
"Will England's rugby defeat make it into the
match report?"
Ryan, trying to deflect attention from his own
performanceWarr showed the forwards how to complete a hat-trick with a
clinical performance, proving too strong, too skilful and too fast for the
Ranleigh defence. Solomons, who can neither be described as strong, skilful
or fast, nevertheless showed his poacher's instinct remains undimmed to net
a brace. Lazlett, from a short corner finished off the second half goal
rush, leaving the home team feeling rather inadequate. Not since the British
took on the pigmy armies of Africa (armed only, you will recall, with
over-ripe fruit) has there been a more uneven contest.
But it had all started so badly. Having trekked for
hours to a wasteland in the soulless town of Reading, without even the
opportunity to consult the local oracle, the team managed to enrage local
sentiment by attempting to park outside a golf shop.
Visibly shaken by the tongue-lashing they had received
from the proprietor, the team showed a lack of desire and organisation to
conceed from a short corner. The embarrassment of going being to a team who
had shipped nine in the two side's previous encounter soon turned to
despair, as Dan and Evo picked out the enemy with their passes as unerringly
as a Tomohawk missile. Even during the occasional spells of friendly fire
when they manage to hit a team-mate, Mill Hill did little to threaten.